New Flash Fiction: A Wizard's Day Journal

It is not often we get to hear about the more humdrum day-to-day aspects of being a wizard, so we are very grateful to Siobhan Gallagher for providing these insights. Siobhan has stories in or forthcoming from COSMOS Online, AE - The Canadian Science Fiction Review, On Spec and Abyss & Apex.  

A Wizard’s Day Journal
by Siobhan Gallagher

7:08 AM Started the day with a fresh cup of tea from newly acquired magic talking teapot.

7:22 AM Note to self: Make plans to sell talking teapot (sounds too much like mother).

7:25 AM Enchanted the broom to sweep off the porch.

7:32 AM Called Prince Furnip to inform him that the beautifying potion for his betrothed is ready.

8:40 AM Prince Furnip paid with a check.

8:59 AM Left to go cash Prince Furnip’s check in case it bounces. These royal types are a cheap lot.

9:32 AM Returned to find the broom sweeping the living room carpet. Stupid broom.

9:50 AM Found a spell that should turn the toad princess back into a human. Will try it now.

10:08 AM Apologize to the King and Queen for accidentally killing their toad daughter. Correction: Find an identical toad, and regrettably inform them that the spell was ineffective.

10:40 AM Paid a visit to Jenny the Jinn about some ingredients on back order, and impressed her with a few magic tricks—she really dug it.

11:05 AM Got a call from Jenny. Remember to bring flowers for date tomorrow evening.

11: 35 AM Time for midday cup of tea and conjure up some sandwiches to go with it.

12:02 PM Note to self: Do NOT to use that conjuring spell again. Wasted twenty minutes banishing the sand witches from kitchen. Tea has gone cold. 

12:07 PM Had the broom sweep up the mess.

12:22 PM Came back to find the broom had made an even bigger mess.

12:37 PM Failed to disenchant broom.

1:40 PM Bought an axe from local warehouse.

2:40 PM Took an hour to simply chase down and chop the broom up. Tired afterwards.

2:50 PM Must look into using a weaker enchantment for the broom, one that does not duplicate upon broom’s death.

3:15 PM Locked both brooms away for the time being.

3:18 PM Need to buy more pain ointment for bumps on noggin.

3:22 PM Decided to relax to tapes of ocean sounds while in the lounger.

3:48 PM There’s a mewing sound coming from the attic (probably thatbitchwitch neighbor’s cat again). Going to check it out.

4:01 PM Yep, it’s the cat. Shooed cat out but found some odd markings.

4:49 PM After examining the markings, determined it’s some sort of language done entirely through brush (broom?) strokes.

5:10 PM Well I’ll be damned! This brushstroke language came from the enchanted brooms. Seems they’re plotting against me...

5:20 PM Went back downstairs, and found the brooms escaped and were sweeping amuck. The revolution has begun!

5:22 PM Will get rid of the brooms once and for all with a fireball spell.

5:30 PM Called the local fire department.

5:42 PM Called the insurance company and explained that it was bad electrical wiring.

6:18 PM Booked a room at a motel for the night.

7:02 PM Picked up a newspaper and skimmed job listings. Mail room clerk doesn’t sound so bad.

7:10 PM Mother was right all along. Should’ve gone into chiropractics instead of wizardry.

7:48 PM Bought a gallon of beer-flavored ice cream and cried self to sleep.