New Poetry: A Note from the Parents of the Chosen One

If you were a fan of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series then this prose poem by Ian Hunter is just for you. Ian Hunter is a children's author, short story writer, poet, editor and occasional book reviewer. He is the author of four children's books - the most recent is Santa Claus is Missing. He's a member of the Glasgow Science Fiction Writers Circle and a director of the Scottish writers collective Read Raw. He reviews books for Interzone, the UK's leading science fiction magazine and is the poetry editor of the British Fantasy Society's magazine The Journal. You can find Ian at www.ian-hunter.co.uk 



A NOTE FROM THE PARENTS OF THE CHOSEN ONE
by Ian Hunter




Yes, a note, how quaint, how old-fashioned

Not a text, social media nudge or even an email sent to your website,

but a note from us, your parents, stuck on the kitchen cupboard

where all the breakfast bowls are kept

A place, where we hope, that you won’t miss it 

So Dear Daughter, AKA the Chosen One, Champion of the Light

we know that you tend to be busy at night

getting home almost before dawn breaks

but we would appreciate you taking a backdoor key

as we are finding it hard to get back to sleep 

at four in the morning once you have knocked the back door

loud enough for us to come down and let you in.

We know this slaying business doesn’t pay well, 

not unless you write your memoirs and they become

a film or TV series,

but if you do need money for a taxi to collect you

from a remote graveyard, abandoned mansion, derelict asylum,

former notorious mental health home, 

perhaps the old morgue that was turned into a nightclub before going bust

then just ask and we’ll give you a tenner

anything to save having to come and collect you

in the middle of the night

Likewise it would also be appreciated if you could

take off your shoes before coming in if they are covered with green, 

slimy stuff as the hall carpet is almost ruined.

and while your little brother isn’t that little anymore

bows and arrows, crossbows and their bolts, indeed anything like 

daggers, wooden stakes, guns modified to fire silver bullets, etc, 

should not be left on the worktop or the cloakroom at the bottom

of the stairs

Oh, and one more thing,

If you could, try not to bring your work home with you.