Urban Fantasist
Menu
Picture
Sci-Fi & Fantasy
Poetry & Fiction

Want to win Time magazine "Dragonslayer of the Year" ?

19/7/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture
What if someone with a modern MBA and a background in startups wrote a guide to dragon slaying? We think you'd get something like Siegfried 2.0 by Nathan Susnik. Nathan is a research biologist and medical writer who was born in the USA but currently living in Hanover, Germany. In his free time he edits for the professional journal Medical Writing. His fiction has been published by Gallery of Curiosities and is forthcoming from Shoreline of Infinity and Devilfish Review. You can also follow him on Twitter at @NathanSusnik


Siegfried 2.0
by Nathan Susnik

 
Most knights Google “dragon”, read a couple articles, think they’re experts, and then go out and try to act like dragons.

Most knights die.
 
You. Are. Not. A. Dragon.

You don’t slay dragons by acting like a dragon. You cannot fly; you cannot breathe fire.
 
Do I need to repeat that?
 
You are a human.

So slay the dragon with innovation and disruptive thinking. Slay the dragon with compassion.

Don’t forget compassion.

No, not for the dragon. If you show a dragon compassion, it will bite your head off. It’s not a Shetland sheepdog. You show compassion for your teammates.
 
Yes, you need teammates.

We all know the story, right?
 
Once upon a time, man pulls sword from stone, rides out on trusty horse, runs into obstacles, pulls self over said obstacles by own boot straps, slays dragon, wins Time Magazine Dragonslayer of the Year.
 
But this is real life, so it goes like this:
 
Once upon a time, woman has idea, assembles team, starts company, NewLance™.

NewLance™ fails, half of team dies.

Woman gets depressed, doubts self. Rick threatens to quit. Woman pulls it together, enlists new, more innovative blacksmith. New, more innovative blacksmith convinces Rick to stay and invest more money. Woman rebrands NewLance™ as SwordTech™. Woman incorporates SwordTech™ to protect self from future failure, puts together new team, uses new tactics.
 
Do you know how to catch a bird with your bare hand?
 
To catch a bird with your bare hands, you need smarts – and stamina – but mostly smarts. You get bird in confined area. You put your hands in the air. You run around like a goon. The bird flies into the air.

You keep it there at all cost.

Flying takes a tremendous amount of energy. After a while the bird tires and lands. It will roost, completely docile, and remain so until you climb up, pluck it off its perch, and...

Now, fire breathing takes more energy than flying, oodles more.

So you kill a dragon like you catch a bird.

But you’ll also need oodles more smarts and oodles more stamina to slay a dragon.

# # # # #

Train your team hard, and follow the rules.

Rules for slaying dragons:

1. Dragons do not breathe fire at prey. Fire chars flesh; fire chars calories. Dragons need calories, so they do not breath fire at their prey. Fire breathing is only used for territorial display, sexual selection in mates, and defense.

2. If you want a dragon to breath fire, scare the crap out of it. The best way to do this is with pyrotechnics. They cost pennies on the dollar to any other method available.

3. Get dragon in confine area and know its range.

4. Make oodles of noise.

5. Stay out of the way of the fire.

6. The dragon won't fly away. Its wings are vestigial. A 3000 kilo animal cannot fly without the help of a jet engine.

7. Dragons are slow. They hunt through by waiting, like a snake. Agility is your advantage. Have your team run until the dragon tires. Constantly change directions, dodge, shift, zig-zag in and out.

8. Never, ever show the dragon compassion. Rick showed compassion, and this is what happened: 

Rick: Crap, my arm's off.

Me: I'm not a doctor, Rick. See a doctor.

Rick: No health insurance.

Me: Why not?

Rick: I invested all of my money SwordTech™.

Me: Eggs? Basket? Christ, Rick, didn’t you learn anything during your MBA?

Rick - keels over.
 
9. If you lose an arm, don't dwell on it. Your investment in SwordTech™ will pay enough to found a cutting-edge prosthetics company.

10. When the dragon is tired, it will look pitiful. Walk up and slide your SwordTech™ technology into its heart. Do not show it compassion. Slaying a dragon is the only way to truly defeat the beast.

It is the only way to succeed.

It is the only way to become Time Magazine, Dragonslayer of the Year.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Welcome to the Grievous Angel – fresh free-to-read science fiction and fantasy flash fiction and poetry, including scifaiku and haiga.

    ISSN 2059-6057

    Quote, Unquote

    "We need more excellent markets like Grievous Angel" ...award winning Canadian author

    "Thank goodness for guys like you, who devote so much time to these things" ...Elizabeth Crocket

    "Thank you for giving us such a cool and unique e-mag" ...Mandy Nicol

    "Thank you for your kind words and making my weekend uplifting and bright. I'm excited to be published alongside other wonderful visual and textual works in Grievous Angel" ...D.A. Xiaolin Spires

    "Love your magazine. Keep up the good work! I've read bits and pieces of so many magazines that are so boring, I'm donating to yours because everything you publish is fascinating" ...Laura Beasley

    "I want to be a part of any project named after Gram Parsons/Emmylou Harris" ...poet, writer & journalist Andrew Darlington

    "I really love your site and the wonderful eerie fiction you publish. Unlike a lot of work, most of what I read on your site stays with me - like a flavor or a scent, slightly tinting the world" ...performer, writer, biologist and painter E.E. King

    Categories

    All
    Flash Fiction
    Haiga
    Haiku
    Poetry
    Scifaiku
    Tanka

    Archives

    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014

    RSS Feed

Picture
Copyright © Charles Christian 
& Urbanfantasist Limited 2022


urbanfantasist@icloud.com

Fuelled by Green Tea & Rosé Wine

  • Home
  • * Latest book *
  • Weird Tales Videos
  • Charles Christian Bio
  • Manifestations
  • Books & Reviews
  • Weird Tales Radio
  • Donations
  • Writing: Nonfiction
  • Writing: Fiction
  • Writing: Poetry
  • Old Americana
  • Old Grievous Angel
  • WoldsCover
  • Home
  • * Latest book *
  • Weird Tales Videos
  • Charles Christian Bio
  • Manifestations
  • Books & Reviews
  • Weird Tales Radio
  • Donations
  • Writing: Nonfiction
  • Writing: Fiction
  • Writing: Poetry
  • Old Americana
  • Old Grievous Angel
  • WoldsCover